i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
