I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
