omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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