there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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