Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
