now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
