So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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