we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
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Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
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Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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