Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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