He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
