You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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