Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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