The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
