tell your sister to shave her snatch
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
