Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
