I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
