It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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