if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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