I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
