I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize