I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I deserve this hangover.
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