ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Come back. Shots need mouths.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
