He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
