That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
