I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
