is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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