If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Randomize
