so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Randomize
