Will you blow on my dice?
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
We just shotgunned beers for America
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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