So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Randomize
