Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
