I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
