If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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