you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
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We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
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It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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