Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
