He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
