First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
