i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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