I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
