every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Randomize
