I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
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I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
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Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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