I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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