Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
