u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
