While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
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Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize