i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
