Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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