I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
My vagina is very pro this idea
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
