Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Randomize
