I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Randomize
