Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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