Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
