I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
