I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
