I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
