handjob tips. give me some.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
