There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
What a dumb baby whore.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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