I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
