I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
