So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
