I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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