meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
