Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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