That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Found the puke drawer
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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