how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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