Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I think I just sharted jello shots
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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