i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
