I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
