We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
