if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Randomize
