My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
