Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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