I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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