At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
