Don't you send me to vm
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
