told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Randomize
