he wants to bone in the snuggie
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Randomize
